Wingman, Interrupted
by ilovetvalot
Summary: When Reid accompanies Morgan to the bar, he doesn't exactly slide gracefully into the role of Wingman.


_**Author's Note: Hold on folks, this is a long note today! First, Tonnie and I would like to announce that signups for Chit Chat on Author's Corner's January Challenge-The Happy New Year's Challenge are open thru December 30, 2010. Simply swing by the forum (you can link to it thru our profile pages) and sign up with the pairing you'd like to see written and three prompts associated with the holiday. On Jan 1, 2011, you'll be assigned a random pairing (not the one you usually write) and three prompts to write by January 30.**_

_**Second, I have a question for my readers. I truly enjoyed last night's CM episode, "What Happens at Home" and the introduction of the character Agent Ashley Seaver. I intend to do some stories with her character incorporated into a pairing and I'd like to know who you guys would like to see me pair her with. I know the obvious choice is Reid, but what about Hotch or Rossi. Anybody that knows my work knows I'm a sucker for older man/younger woman pairings. So, shoot me a pm or review and let me know what you think. I think the world of you guys and value your opinions!**_

_**Just a reminder, December 25th is right around the corner. Everyone that signed up for the CM Christmas Fic Exchange, please remember your stories. We want this to be a WONDERFUL gift experience for all involved. If you have any questions, feel free to pm either myself (ilovetvalot) or tonnie2001969.**_

_**In other forum news, please check out our newest discussion thread, "Serious vs. Light - Which gets the most response?" It is a discussion of serious vs. light stories and the response they get from readers. We also have new interviews with Clarebones and musicxlife4 up for your reading pleasure.**_

_**Also please check out the discussion thread entitled, "The Fine Line Between T and M ratings". There's a great ongoing discussion there, too.**_

_**Finally, if any of you have any idea for issues/activities that you'd like to see "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum tackle in the form of discussion threads and/or challenges, please let us know. We want to bring you all some really fun threads in the New Year!**_

_**As always, thank you to every reader, reviewer, and person that favorites or alerts one of our stories. Hearing from each of you means a great deal to each of us. We truly value your thoughts and opinions. Now, on with our story!**_

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**Wingman, Interrupted**

"So help me, God, kid," Derek Morgan groaned as he watched another hottie naughtily walk away from their table in the corner of the small bar where he and Dr. Spencer Reid sat. "We've got to get you some game!"

"What?" Reid asked from his perch on his bar stool as his fingers toyed with the wrapper on his bottle of water. Shifting on the stool, he propped his feet on the lower rung of the stool, his loafers sliding against the slick rail.

"GAME," Morgan stressed, narrowing his eyes as he stared at the younger agent. "The girls dig you, man. But you got NO game." In fact, Derek added silently to himself, it appeared his young friend was happily oblivious to the finer sex altogether. Not that Reid's boat floated on the other side of the pond...at least, he didn't think it did...he just wasn't sure if Reid had ever dipped his oars in the water anywhere.

Canting his head to the side as he looked to the man sitting across from him with confusion in his eyes, Reid replied, confused, "I wasn't aware that I was supposed to be playing a game."

"Dude," Morgan said with a long suffering sigh, propping his elbow on the scarred table, "this whole experience," he said, gesturing around the busy bar, "is one huge stage game. We come in and we play our part."

"That actually sounds like more of a staged production, Morgan," Reid said reasonably. "Especially since you appear to use the same dialogue over and over and over and..."

"I get it, Pretty Boy," Morgan growled, holding up a silencing hand. "I know my lines, that's true. BUT," he said, wagging a finger in the air, "the difference is that I could go home tonight with one of these hometown honeys if I want later on. YOU are still gonna be sitting on that stool, twiddling your thumbs if you don't start memorizing some lines."

"Morgan, I don't want to go home with a hometown honey," Reid replied logically as he shook his head. "Why would I want to?"

"Seriously?" Morgan asked incredulously, eyes widening almost comically as his hand automatically reached for the half-empty brown bottle. "Have you seen some of the chicks macking on you tonight?"

"Macking?" Reid echoed, wondering when Morgan had first learned this strange, new language that he'd evidently never been exposed to before.

"Macking," Morgan nodded. "You know," he explained when he saw Reid's inquisitive eyes narrow. "Groovin'."

"Grooving?" Reid murmured, propping his chin in his hand as he tried to follow Morgan's line of reasoning.

"Jeez, Pretty Boy, am I speaking English anymore?" Morgan asked with a frustrated sigh as he dropped his head to his hand.

"Actually, no. I don't believe you are," Reid said evenly, pleased that Morgan had reached such a wise conclusion on his own.

"Reid," Morgan moaned, pausing as a group of giggly, smiling vixens passed their table. Closing his mouth, he watched an impatient frown mar Reid's lips.

"See! Right there!" Morgan said emphatically, pointing an accusing finger at Reid.

"Right where?" Reid yelped looking around the bar as he tried to spot what had disturbed his friend.

"You, Reid!" Morgan declared in exasperation, banging the beer bottle against the counter. "Those chicas were shooting you the "fuck me" eyes loud and proud and you FROWNED at them! What's that about, man?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Morgan," Reid shook his head, reaching for his water bottle and taking a sip. "Those ladies were being loud and rude as the passed our table. Quite frankly, I think they were inebriated," he said, leaning forward to whisper across the table.

"Of course they are, Genius Boy," Morgan moaned, the ache in the temple of his head growing rapidly. "It's a BAR, Reid! Why do you come to a bar?"

"Me?" Reid questioned easily, pressing a hand to his chest as he watched Morgan's eyes seem to cross. "I come to watch the people and hone my profiling skills. Why do you come to a bar?"

"To get LAID," Morgan sighed. "You come to a bar to drink and get laid, Pretty Boy," Morgan clarified, drawing on reserves of patience that HE didn't even know he possessed. "Or," he amended, "at the very least, to flirt with the pretty ladies."

Pursing his lips, Reid scrunched his nose distastefully as he glanced around the crowded bar.

Seeing the repulsed look plastered on Reid's face, Morgan decided to bite the bullet and ask the question he'd been wondering about for years. "Reid, man, you can tell me to fuck off, but can I ask you a seriously personal question?"

"Of course," Reid shrugged, easily comfortable with Morgan.

"Are you gay, kid?" Morgan asked softly. "It's cool if you are, man. I just wanna know."

"No," Reid said simply, shaking his sandy head.

"But, you don't like girls," Morgan queried, listening closely.

"I like girls," Reid corrected, raising one finger in objection. "JJ, Emily and Garcia are girls," he noted meaningfully.

"O-kay," Morgan drawled, determined to get to the bottom of things, "But, do you like girls...romantically?"

"Romantically?" Reid repeated, tilting his head as he met Morgan's probing gaze.

"Yeah, intimately. As in, do you like sex, Reid?" Morgan asked, spelling it out for his young friend.

"Not especially. In fact, I actually find the sex act rather...disquieting. And rather...overrated, for lack of a better word."

Choking on his beer, Morgan coughed, his eyes watering as he tried to focus on Reid's face. Had the younger man actually just called sex overrated? "Reid," he said hoarsely, clearing his throat, "Have you even actually HAD sex?"

"Once," Reid nodded. "When I was at the Academy," he informed Morgan emotionlessly. "It was with a fellow cadet and quite unimpressive."

"Are you sure you actually HAD sex, kid?" Morgan asked, unable to process this new information.

"Fairly certain," Reid shrugged. "There was penetration," he said in an unaffected voice as he recalled the experience. "It just...felt like a bad game of Red Light, Green Light. And all that moaning and sighing was quite distracting," he declared evenly.

"You didn't like moaning?" Morgan asked, raising his eyebrows.

"She moaned about everything. And she was soooo bossy," Reid frowned. "Ah, right there," he mimicked. "Faster, Spencey! Harder, Spencey!" he mocked. "It honestly reminded me of when Gideon taught me to drive. He was quite the backseat driver, too...always yapping in my ear with some kind of order or another," Reid grumbled as he took another sip of water.

Don't laugh, Derek. No matter what you do at this point, DO NOT LAUGH, Morgan chided himself harshly.

Clearing his throat again, Morgan reached for his beer and took a steadying sip. "Uhmmm...Reid, you do know that moaning thing was an encouraging sign, right?"

"I didn't find that hypothesis to be valid," Reid snorted. "In fact, it quite stemmed my concentration."

Licking his lips as he studied his hapless homeboy, Morgan forged ahead. "And the orders weren't really orders, Pretty Boy. It was more like being coached. She was trying to let you know what felt good."

"Perhaps, but I do believe it would have been a much more mutually satisfying experience had the lady in question simply ceased her verbal guidebook to her body," Spencer replied grimly. "I'm very good at finding my own way," he said with a proud smile, straightening his shoulders.

"I'm sure you are, Kid," Morgan replied supportively as he bit the inside of his jaw. "Just do me a favor, okay?"

"Hmmm," Reid hummed, tapping his foot against the wooden rung of his stool as an upbeat song began blaring in the club.

"Keep that story between you and me, okay? The ladies don't particularly like to hear that a man doesn't like the moaning and the sighing. Sorta stems their self-esteem," Morgan explained weakly, rubbing his hand over his bald head. "You do that, and I'll leave you to watch the people while I hold the honeys at bay," he offered as he drained the last of his beer. "Deal?" he asked hopefully.

"Deal," Reid said with relief. "Honestly, I think asexual organisms have the right idea."

And with one more long-suffering sigh, Morgan mumbled, "Another little pearl of your wisdom to keep under wraps, Pretty Boy." And pasting a smile on his face, he turned to approach another beautiful female.

Maybe if the kid saw the mating game in action, he might actually begin to believe in the powers of the opposite sex.

Maybe.

_**Finis**_


End file.
